|
I
can
almost
feel
myself
losing
weight...
by
forwarding
this
to
you!
(You'll
understand
at
the
end.)
I've
seen
two
shows
lately
that
went
on
and
on
about
how
mid-life
is
a
great
time
for
women.
Even
Oprah
had
a
whole
show
on
how
great
menopause
will
be...
Puhleeeeeeeze!
I've
had
a
few
thoughts
of
my
own
and
would
like
to
share
them
with
you.
Whether
you
are
pushing
40,
50,
60
(or
maybe
even
just
pushing
your
luck)
you'll
probably
relate.
Mid-life
is
when
the
growth
of
hair
on
our
legs
slows
down.
This
gives
us
plenty
of
time
to
care
for
our
newly
acquired
mustache.
In
mid-life
women
no
longer
have
upper
arms,
we
have
wing
spans.
We
are
no
longer
women
in
sleeveless
shirts;
we
are
flying
squirrels
in
drag.
Mid-life
is
when
you
can
stand
naked
in
front
of
a
mirror
and
you
can
see
your
rear
without
turning
around.
Mid-life
is
when
you
go
for
a
mammogram
and
you
realize
that
this
is
the
only
time
someone
will
ask
you
to
appear
topless.
Mid-life
is
when
you
want
to
grab
every
firm
young
lovely
in
a
tube
top
and
scream,
"Listen
honey,
even
the
Roman
empire
fell
and
those
will
too."
Mid-life
brings
wisdom
to
know
that
life
throws
us
curves
and
we're
sitting
on
our
biggest
ones.
Mid-life
is
when
you
look
at
your
know-it-all,
cell
phone,
beeper-wearing
teenager
and
think:
"For
this
I
have
stretch
marks?"
In
mid-life
your
memory
starts
to
go.
In
fact
the
only
thing
we
can
retain
is
water.
Mid-life
means
that
your
Body
By
Jake
now
includes
Legs
By
Rand
McNally
--
more
red
and
blue
lines
than
an
accurately
scaled
map
of
Wisconsin.
Mid-life
means
that
you
become
more
reflective.
You
start
pondering
the
"big"
questions.
What
is
life?
Why
am
I
here?
How
much
Healthy
Choice
ice
cream
can
I
eat
before
it's
no
longer
a
healthy
choice?
But
mid-life
also
brings
with
it
an
appreciation
for
what
is
important.
We
realize
that
breasts
sag,
hips
expand
and
chins
double,
but
our
loved
ones
make
the
journey
worthwhile.
Would
any
of
you
trade
the
knowledge
that
you
have
now
for
the
body
you
had
way
back
when?
Maybe
our
bodies
simply
have
to
expand
to
hold
all
the
wisdom
and
love
we've
acquired.
That's
my
philosophy
and
I'm
sticking
to
it!
Send
this
to
four
women
and
you
will
lose
two
pounds.
Send
this
to
all
the
women
you
know
(or
ever
knew),
and
you
will
lose
10
pounds.
If
you
delete
this
message,
you
will
gain
10
pounds
immediately.
(That's
why
I
had
to
pass
this
on
-
No
way
am
I
risking
deleting
this!)
~Mid-Life
Woman
author
unknown~
Midnight In The Garden
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